"Chaos and the Axis of Evil"

"The Beast" has emerged from hiding and declared his new moniker to be "Chaos" and his two accomplices are now referred to as his "Axis of Parental Evil" or APE. Their latest ploy has been massive synchronized bowel movements that we parents have dubbed APE-shit. Knowing more about them has raised my fear level to new highs. Chaos' heir apparent was recruited from the Korea's "Special Parental International Terrorist" organization more commonly called SPIT. They seem to be well synchronized in their late night assaults on the hapless parental units that hopelessly try to parent them. These two have mastered the art of driving their older sisters nuts by manipulating their nerves until they run to the parents who just don't want to hear the whining. Their training bases have yet to be discovered. Though thought to be trained in a womb-like compound, the intelligence community has yet to develop any viable information on this. The third member of the tri-axial terrorist organization has been laying low on the Peninsula, the Parental Intelligence Gathering Service, known as PIGS, has concrete information that he is training a new sibling in the fine art of Parental Sleep Deprivation. Having learned my lesson after the last assault, I now lock up the Consorzio, Garlic infused Olive Oil...Extra Virgin of course. It is humiliating for all parents involved to be duped by these well trained warriors of the "Diaper Brigade". But we are "Allies Seeking Solace Soon" or ASS'S who only want the simple life of kids who are obedient and sleep through the damn night. Winning the Lottery
is looking easier every day. Studies being conducted by the "Volunteer Organization Monitoring Idgit Terrorists" have shown parental terrorism to be on the rise nationwide. VOMIT's studies have also shown that these ankle biting rugrats will stop at nothing to thoroughly disrupt parental activities. Whether it is sleep, using the restroom, cooking dinner or worse eating dinner in a public place, they will lay the embarrassment factor on like peanut butter on bread...Thick. Recently, Chaos stood up in his chair and proceeded to demonstrate his "Firengingins siren. I truly believe a real fire engine siren would have been quieter, and would not have lasted as long. VOMIT's studies have located a sleeper cell of Parental Terrorists calling themselves "Toddlers Using Reeking Diapers" who helped mastermind the last attack on me. The TURD cell is ruthless often collecting diapers from their breastfeeding compatriots whose used Huggies could drop a bull elk at 75 yards. You can only imagine how fast these weapons of parental destruction can knock a weary adult out cold instantly. Parents Out Of Patience or POOP is an organization that has banded together to fight the constant threat of being overrun by APEshit and SPIT, we admit to draggin ASS'S all over the place in an effort to utilize VOMIT in a conducive manner. PUKE, Parental Units Knowing Everything is an upstart unit that is attempting to outsmart the little boogers.....we have wished them the best of luck. These little FARTS (funny, angelic, resourceful, toddler shits) have been outwitting a host of talented, bright and educated parents for eons. Like the snake in the Harry Potter movie you never want to look one of them in the eyes...you will never be the same! This is the only known photo of "Chaos" just after he removed one of his sisters eyeballs.
Having witnessed the horror first hand the photographer is thought to have forever put down his camera and is now weaving baskets on an Indian reservation in Northern Canada. You can see the pure joy he takes in his work, just don't look at the picture too long.